A Warm Hand
by xoxolights
Summary: Bella has been abused most of her life. Edward and Alice are her best friends that have saved her without knowing. Edward and Bella become closer as her pain grows stronger. All he wants to do is save her. All she wants is love.  AH, dark themes/lemons
1. Happy Birthday

****DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything Twilight. All the characters belong to Stephanie Meyer. I just own the plot**.**

Chapter One

All my life I've been told true beauty is what's on the inside. As I stared in the mirror I could only hope that was true. Every time I looked at my face I only saw the scar above my left eyebrow. It had faded over time and was relatively small but it was forever embedded in me.

I continue to look at my naked body surrounded by steam from the shower I had just taken. The bruises were fading from his last binge, as were the cuts. Eventually they would become scars and after time they will disappear forever. My hips came into view next but those cuts and scars were caused by me. I did that to myself and I have no one to blame. Those wounds will stay in this hollow body for the rest of my life.

Disgusted, I turned away from the mirror and went to my bedroom to dress for school. Sometimes it was hard to cover up the flaws but living in rainy Forks, Washington made it easier. I put on my usual long sleeve and jeans attire and limped down the steps. I didn't have to fake a perfect walk until I went out in public. I was sore this time. I grabbed my keys and walked down my drive way and then I saw him.

Edward Cullen. He was getting the mail dressed in dark jeans and a fitted navy sweater. He was so beautiful it hurt to look at him.

"Bella," Alice's high pitched voice sounded through the air, "Happy Birthday!"

Edward's sister was just a stunning as he was. She had spikey black hair and piercing eyes that could leave you speechless with one glance. They had been my neighbors for eight years today. The Cullen's moved to town on my birthday when I turned nine years old. Edward and Alice saw me playing in my driveway and came over because they wanted to play too. I didn't have any friends because I kept quiet around people so I wouldn't get in trouble by him. I learned young. They were in need of friends too, being that they just moved here from Chicago and knew no one. Alice, Edward, and I became best friends. Little did they know that they would become my saviors for the next eight years. Actually they still have no idea how much they saved me. Are saving me.

Well, anymore it's just Alice and I. Sophomore year Edward become less gangly and more handsome. He was soon swept into the popular crowd, the basketball team, and of course all that comes with being a hot jock. He was still friendly though, we just weren't close. I don't think he actually meant to ignore me in public, but that's just how it goes when you are unnoticed and eat lunch alone most of the time. He was pressured by his popular crowd to stay away so that's what he did. I don't blame him.

"Happy birthday Bella." His voice was so silky smooth it made me blush. I looked up and he was giving me a sweet smile and then Alice jumped on me. She was squealing about birthday presents and the movie night we were having later since it was Friday. She let me go and Edward gave me a small hug, to which I savored and kept on repeat all day long. They drove me to school in Edward's Volvo and then when we pulled up parted ways.

The day went by fast as I kept myself away from any crowds that would make snide comments at me or laugh as I walked by. I shouldn't complain because anywhere was better than the hell that was home. But too soon the final bell rang. I wasn't sure if Edward was giving me a ride home since Alice had to peer tutor last mod and would be driving herself home, so I decided to walk. This way I wouldn't have to see the girls hanging all over him as he walked to his car in the jock row of the parking lot. After all these years and all I wanted was him. I shouldn't though. So I pushed those thoughts away.

The walk wasn't so bad, only about 15 minutes on foot, maybe 25 for my clumsy and sore body. I only had walked for three minutes when the previous night's activities started crashing over my mind. The words he had said were on repeat.

"_It's an early birthday present Bells. You're just asking for it."_

For the first time in a while I let the tears spill over. _You are not wanted Bella. You are used. You aren't really loved. No one could actually love this broken thing that you are. No matter how hard you try to keep up a mask it will never work._

I forgot the time and place, Just the fact that I was a seventeen year old girl that was unloved and all alone on her birthday.

"Hey Bella, why did you leave school? I thought I was driving you home today."

That voice. Silky smooth and recognizable anywhere. _Crap. _I couldn't turn to look at him or his Volvo. I wiped away the tears running down my face, took a deep breath, and then said, "Uh, I wanted to walk."

"Come on Bella, it's your birthday. Let me take you home. I know it's like completely out of my way but I think I could swing it." I could practically hear the smirk grow on his face.

"I'm good Edward. It's not that far."

"Bella."

"Edward."

"Belllllaaaaa," his glorious voice sang out as a single tear escaped my eye for the second time today.

I turned toward his car creeping along side me knowing he would do this until we got home and jumped in. He saw the tear before I could swipe it away.

"Hey, I'm really sorry. Shit. Um, I'm sorry, what did I do?" He actually sounded worried.

Stop it Bella. He's just being a human being. He isn't really worried about it.

"It's nothing, don't worry about it. Let's just get home."

He drove in silence and I stared out the window. He stopped at the bottom of my drive way, I got out, and he drove to his garage behind his house, without saying anything. I couldn't go home, not yet. So I went to the only place I ever felt safe. The tree house, in the woods between my house and the Cullens.

Edward's dad, Carlisle, built it for us when we were 10. We would spend nights out here talking, reading, playing truth or dare.

I was just about to enter the woods when I heard my name.

"Bella, I thought you were going home."

"Yeah, I will sometime."

I couldn't contain the sadness in my voice. Or the hope. One day I will have a place I can truly call and feel like home.

"Are you going to the tree house?"

"Yes."

"Me too. Care if I join you?"

"I guess not."


	2. Truth or Dare

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything Twilight. All the characters belong to Stephanie Meyer. I just own the plot.**

Chapter Two

"So truth or dare?"

"Edward," I couldn't help but giggle.

"Truth or dare, Bella?"

"Truth." This could be bad in so many ways, but I was still too sore for a dare. I already started to think up some excuses to his questions.

"Why were you crying earlier, B?" There it was again. That worried tone that could trick you into believing he was concerned.

"That's nothing you need to worry about."

"But I do," he sighed. Damn it.

"Truth or Dare, Edward?"

"Truth." I didn't think I should ask him, but I did anyway.

"Why do you worry about it?" I asked him in a tiny voice that screamed loser.

We both sat quietly for a few moments. Maybe he didn't know how to answer. Or maybe he just didn't want to, but eventually he did.

"You are sad a lot B. I can see it. I worry about you."

"Well don't. I'm fine." I turned away from him so I could hide the tears welling up in my eyes. Maybe Edward actually cared.

"You can pull that shit with Alice, but not me. I see through it Bella. You're sad. I see it in your beautiful brown eyes. I worry because you hide. I've seen the marks. Make-up can't hide everything." _Well, it sure can when no one notices you or takes a second look. _I gasped a little and then took a deep breath. He couldn't know.

"You know I'm clu-," he cut me off.

"Don't you dare say you are clumsy Bella! Damn, you can't possibly be hurt all the time from tripping. You are bruised," he grabbed my arm and yanked up my sleeve, "See? You limp when you walk too, but only when you think no one is looking. I see it though, B. He hurts you, doesn't he? That son of a bitch, I've always tried to convince myself to look past it because you always promised you were fine. Why didn't you tell me it got worse? I could have helped you."

He didn't realize how much he has been my savior over the years. I was already crying by the time he stopped talking. Tears three times in one day. That's more than I cried the entire year. I let the pain become part of who I was so I could avoid it. Whenever I feel myself open up I cut. That's what I've learned to do. It holds the tears in. Every time.

He pulled me into a hug and gently crushed me to his chest.

"You weren't around anymore."


	3. The First Time

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything Twilight. All the characters belong to Stephanie Meyer. I just own the plot.**

**Thank you for reading this so far! Please review and let me know if i should keep going. Tell me if you like it or what i can change. **

Chapter Three

Edward dropped his head into his hands and let out a groan after I pulled away from his embrace. If I could stay in his arms forever I would, but it wasn't right. He didn't belong to me. I don't think he even cared for me really. He was just a nice guy doing what his parents taught him to do. Care.

I couldn't let him touch me though. When he does my thoughts go crazy with the possibilities I know will never come true. He's too good. I don't deserve him. So I just enjoy his company. That's allowed, right?

I got up and walked over to the entrance of the tree house. I was staring up and the sky that was turning a dark grey. Then, I felt him right beside me, though I didn't hear him. I looked up at his face. He had bronze hair that was tousled to perfection and streaked colors in the sunlight. Those eyes of his were like two perfect emerald jewels surrounded by impossibly thick and long dark eyelashes that cast shadows upon his face when he looked down. He had a face that could never be erased from memory. I would remember it long after he forgot me, which would probably happen within the next few years. He would leave for college next fall and I don't know if I'll ever get out of here. That thought put a knot in my stomach.

The emotions must have been clear on my face because he took my face between his hands, his warm hands. Swoon. I felt my eyes droop at the feeling of a caress. These hands were different then I was used to. Usually I had rough, calloused hands all over me. Those hard hands were cold and scary. Edwards felt large but comforting. I never wanted to go home. I just wanted to stay with him forever.

"Bella, I'm always here. Right next to you, whether I'm across the road or down the hallway at school. You need to know I'm there with a warm hand for you anytime you need it." He said these words with a soft and concerned voice and let them register in my head before he continued. "I can be around anytime you want me to be. I know we aren't as close as we once were, but I still think like we are. I'm sorry. I'll never stop caring for you, B, even if you feel like I forgot about you I didn't."

I sighed. "Edward you talk like you have some sort of obligation to me. You don't so no need to worry about it. You grew up and things changed. It happens every day of our lives. Change… it's inevitable," I frowned at my own words. "You made some really good friends and I see that they make you happy. Tanya makes you happy too. So I'm happy for you. You have a lot of things going for you, Edward. Don't let me screw them up."

It hurt to say it out loud, because the realization hit me. Tanya, the beautiful strawberry blonde varsity cheerleader girlfriend, actually seemed to put a smile on his face. If that meant I had to take her ruthless comments to me or the rumors she makes up I will take it. I wonder if Edward knows that she tortures me on a daily basis, but Edward worried about me too much when we were younger. He deserves to be carefree with the jocks.

Edward looked furious. Then his expression became guarded and next was pain. I opened my mouth to say something but his phone went off.

"Gah!" Edward huffed. "Hello. What is it, Alice?"

He rolled his eyes and hung up. "I'm sorry Bella but she needs me at the house. But I'm not done talking to you. What time are you coming over tonight?"

"Uh, um," I was startled by his demanding tone, "eight-thirty." I forgot about the night Alice had planned for me. I didn't like the way Edward was talking. It made me feel like he felt he needed to take care of me. I was fine on my own, I was living and that's all that is important. If he was going to be home tonight I didn't want to go, but it was better than staying with… him.

He looked at his phone again. "Well its four-thirty now so-"

"Four-thirty! Crap! I have to go," I exclaimed and scurried down the rope ladder and sprinted to my house, ignoring Edward calling my name behind me.

I promised him that I would be home at four last night for another birthday surprise, as he calls it.

* * *

><p>"Bells, is that you?" He slurred his words. Of course he was drunk, I wouldn't expect much else. Phil, my stepfather, who I would never consider family. Phil married my mother when I was six. My father, Charlie, and my mother, Renee, divorced when I was two. Charlie is the chief of police here in town, but he keeps himself busy all the time so I don't see him much. I think he's lonely, and I don't want him to be. I usually try to see Dad at least once a week but it's harder to hide around him.<p>

Charlie and Renee had me when they were pretty young and tried their best to stay together. Charlie was stubborn and Renee was a free spirit so they kind of clashed, but my dad said he loved her very much.

Renee is so beautiful and she has a child-like mind, nothing like me. She is a stewardess so she's traveling a lot, which she loves to do. But that means it's just Phil and I at home. I hate it. Phil is a washed up baseball player that never made it further than the minor leagues. He tore his rotator cuff and could never play the same again. Since then he drinks away the anger or takes it out on me. I remember the first time he hurt me so many years ago.

* * *

><p><em>"STOP MOVING," he roared into my ear. I was on the floor of my bedroom. I looked around at my purple walls and wooden dressers. I was still in my room. This couldn't be real. But it was. <em>

_ I cried out, yelling for my mom and dad even though I knew they weren't here. I wanted to curl up in a ball. My body hurt all over. I didn't understand what he was doing to me or why. My head was pounding from the blows he had given to my body a few minutes ago. I was bleeding in a lot of different places but I couldn't see where. My vision was blurring and my limbs were so weak. I couldn't move, I felt paralyzed. I felt myself shutting down, I stopped fighting. He ripped my legs open and placed himself between them. What was he doing? I pulled off my pants and I started screaming again. Then I felt a forceful blow against my head and I saw black._

_ When I opened my eyes again I was alone. I was sprawled out on the floor without any clothes on. I tried to move any part of my body but it wouldn't work without great effort. What had he done to me? Why did I hurt down there? I started to cry as Phil walked into my room. I shrunk back in fear as he approached me. _

_ "Bells. Stop crying, you're fine. Can't you see that no one wants you? I did you a favor. No one would ever want a gangly little girl like you. So you're not going to tell anyone, because if you do, I'll make sure you have no one in your life. You are a liar Bella and I'll tell everyone that. I'll make sure you are sent away. Go take a shower. You look disgusting." Then he walked downstairs._

_ I crawled to the bathroom and turned on the shower. I layed at the bottom and looked at the bruises forming and the cuts already there. Everything hurt. The area between my legs hurt and was bleeding but I didn't understand. The water coming down on me was scolding hot but I was still freezing and shaking. _

* * *

><p>"BELLS! I said is that you?" His voice pierced through my thoughts. I walked into the living room and before I knew what was happening he had me pinned to the ground. "You are late little girl. Now I'm going to have to punish you." I felt a hard object hit the top of my head and it went black again.<p>

In the blackness I saw the time my mom came home after a two week trip. It was the first time she had come home to an empty me. Phil told her I wrecked my bike a few days ago. He also told her that I was telling him all these lies when she was gone. That he couldn't trust me. That I stole stuff from him. I was seven years old.

When I opened my eyes again he still wasn't finished with me. He was still hovering over my body. I thought of Edward. I wanted him to save me. I wanted that warm hand, needed that warm hand right now. Not the cold one over my mouth.


	4. Hot Cocoa

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything Twilight. All the characters belong to Stephanie Meyer. I just own the plot.**

**Thanks for the reviews, it means a lot!(: If you have any suggestions or comments please PM me or review! Im working on the next chapter right now and its a little longer than normal. Again- thank you for the support on my first story!**

Chapter Four

He was done with me after a few minutes. I've been through this time and time again and now it just seems easier to go through the motions. If someone tried to help me they would say I need to be stronger, fight back, don't give in. I tried all of that and it got me nowhere. So I take what Phil dishes out to me. I realize I'm pathetic and a sad excuse for a teenager. The truth is I'm done trying to fight my life. Abuse has consumed me and is just that, my life.

The motions follow like a routine. Phil does things, I lay there like I'm dead, he finishes, and he tells me I'm disgusting and so on. I crawl into the shower and sit on the floor. I try to stay emotionless, empty. But it comes sometimes and I cannot let feelings override my body. So I get the stupid razor and do what I have to do to get the pain to go away. Then I wash my body. Finally, I can go along with the outside world.

By the time I can get myself looking presentable to leave the house its nine o' clock. I sigh as I stumble down the stair and see Phil passed out on the couch.

I'm in the Cullen's drive way by the time I see the car, shiny light blue and behind the Volvo. Tanya. This is exactly what I needed. I'm already having a great day, no make that a great life since I was seven. I just wanted to stay home tonight, lock myself in my room with some music. But no, I felt obligated to put on a show for my best friend and ex-best friend. If I was staying here I needed to avoid Tanya and Edward- at all costs. Seeing the two together is enough to make me want to puke because he deserves better. Edward is better.

I slowly creped through the house and was on the third stair when I heard Tanya giggle. It caught my attention so I turned my gaze to the living room, where she was straddling Edward. I felt my lunch coming up. I took off running up the stairs into Alice's bedroom. The door was open but it was completely dark inside. She wasn't there. I decided to wait a while, maybe she went to the store or something.

I glanced at my phone. Zero messages, ten-fifty. It was time to go home. Alice never came home; I had no idea where she was. Every once in a while I heard another giggle from downstairs, so she must still be here. I took the back door this time.

The night was oddly warm for September, for Forks in general. I didn't really want to go home to him, but I couldn't stay at the Cullen's either. I went to the tree house, my safe haven. I store blankets and pillows up there and I just hoped they weren't wet. Luckily, they were warm and cozy.

I cuddled with myself, listening to soft music from my phone, and gazed at the stars. I wanted to be angry. I mean, I should be angry. My best friend forgot the plans she made for me on my birthday. I just couldn't bring myself to be pissed off though. Alice does so much for me and keeps me breathing. No, I couldn't be mad at her. Then there is Edward. I liked him too much for my own good. As I thought back to Tanya straddling him I should be mad as well. He said he needed to talk to me, even though I didn't want to. All I felt was a little jealousy. I wanted Edward to myself. That wasn't fair. She makes him happy. She makes him happy. She makes him _happy. _I couldn't make him feel that way; I couldn't get anything out of him but pity.

_What are you doing! _I mentally screamed at myself. Edward deserved better. I kept telling myself that. Reality was that he doesn't care for me. Tonight was proof that he was just trying to be a good guy earlier. _He forgot about you. So did Alice. There are other things, more important things, then you, Bella. You're not good for them. You'll never be good enough. _

"Shit."

I was startled awake. I looked around confused. Then I remembered I was in my safe haven, I was okay.

Then who just said-

"I'm sorry, B."

Edward. Why was he here and what time was it? He was sitting beside me on top of my blanket running his slender fingers through his bronze hair. If he brought Tanya out here I was going to be pissed. This is _our_ place.

"What are you doing out here?" I moaned these words groggily but harsher then I intended. Edward flinched a little.

He sighed, "I guess I deserve that."

"What are you talking about? Just go home and get some sleep Edward. It's pretty cold out here," I said as a shiver ran through my body. The temperature had dropped a fair amount. I tried to pull up my blanket but was prevented by Edwards's weight on it. I shivered again.

"Exactly," he whispered softly, "you are the one who needs to go get warm. Come with me Bella."

"No." He was trying to be that good guy again. It wasn't real. I stole a glance up at his face. He was so damn beautiful. But I could see the sadness in his face, maybe he missed Tanya. It seemed like I was the one to always put a frown on that perfect mouth.

"Please?"

"I can't."

He stuttered, "Why not?"

I was afraid to tell him why. He wasn't my best friend anymore. He shouldn't have to listen to my problems.

"I just don't want to go home, okay?"

"B, I never said you had to go home. My parents left this afternoon for New York. It's for some conference thing with a bunch of egotistic doctors. Come to my house so we can talk, please? I'll make you hot cocoa," he smiled at the last part.

I was freezing and it had been years since he made me cocoa. I smiled a little bit and it felt nice. I had something to look forward to, even if it was just a drink. I stopped thinking about talking, about Phil, and how stupid I was being. "Okay."


	5. Talk To Me

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything Twilight. All the characters belong to Stephanie Meyer. I just own the plot.**

Chapter Five

I picked up my phone on the way out of the tree house. It was almost two in the morning. We walked quietly back to his place. We didn't speak to each other until we got into the kitchen. While we were walking I felt Edward staring at me sometimes. I didn't look at him though, I was afraid of what I might see on his face.

He put some water on the stainless steel stove top in a kettle. His mom, Esme, always made sure her kids knew how to do things it the kitchen. I smiled as I watched him. Edward was graceful in the large blue and silver kitchen. He lightly hummed as he got the ingredients and cups from various cupboards, a small sad smile dancing on his lips. I still wanted him.

Edward placed the cup in front of me. He sat down across the island from me on a bar stool. All of a sudden his face was solemn.

"I'm really sorry about tonight, B." The look on his face made me want to cry.

"Why, Edward? I don't understand. There is nothing for you to possibly be sorry about."

"It was your birthday today, or yesterday I guess, but I told you I wanted to talk to you. I left when we were in the middle of something and I shouldn't have. I'll let Alice explain that one to you later. But I wanted to talk to you again tonight and you never showed up. I should have gone looking for you earlier. Tanya suddenly showed up and started to jump me and one thing led to another and-"

"Whoa, okay. You can stop there; I don't want to know what happened next. Besides, I was here anyway." I honestly couldn't contain the frown that captured my lips.

"Wait what? You were here? When and why didn't you say anything to me?"

"Um, earlier. Like around nine. You were, uh, for lack of a better word, busy."

I felt the tears coming. There was no way I could let him see me cry. I stood up, "I have to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back." I walked away before he could say anything.

I stared at my face in the mirror. There was a dark spot beneath my eye. I had hoped with the right make-up I could pass it off as not getting enough sleep. The cover up must have come off when I was sleeping because it was more visible. I bent down to touch my thighs, ignoring the stiffness in my neck. I definitely had bruises all over my legs. The aching between my legs was a pain I became used to over the years. I straightened up and sighed. _Edward, m_y ex-best friend and savior. He is still oblivious to why I needed him so much. Edward doesn't pry, he never has. I mean, sure, he asked where the wounds came from or why I was upset a lot. After a while he learned to make me forget and not talk about it. We stopped talking about everything in tenth grade. He stopped caring then, too. It made me rethink everything he ever said and did to me.

"B, you okay?" His voice startled me. Edward was knocking on the bathroom door. I looked into the mirror again at my tear streaked face. I wiped at them quickly, splashed some water on my eyes, and opened the door. I wasn't sure if I was ready to answer his questions or listen to him but I needed to face it.

The god-like boy was standing against the door frame wearing the same facial expression I've seen all day. I allowed myself to linger on his full lips and square jaw before I answered him, "Yeah."

His face became unreadable. Edward grabbed my hand and led me to the living room where I noticed he had placed our mugs of cocoa. This is the same couch Tanya had just been on with Edward. I didn't want to see it, let alone sit on it. He sat and tried pulling my down but I took a seat on the soft love seat, curling myself into a ball and staring at him. He frowned again, I always made him upset.

He got up and kneeled down in front of me on the floor.

"You need to talk to me," he pleaded. "I can't help you, Bella. Not if you don't tell me what's going on."

I stopped breathing. He waited a few minutes and realized I wasn't going to speak.

"Fine, then I'll talk to you about something. I broke up with Tanya tonight. That's why I didn't come for you sooner. I had to get her to leave." I couldn't for the life of me describe the tone of his voice.

"What?" I gasped as my chest was swelling up. "Why would you do that? She made you so happy, Edward!"

He just shook his head and angrily said, "No, she didn't make me happy. She made me forget. She kept my mind preoccupied so I didn't have to think about the hard stuff going on. It was a distraction."

I was utterly confused. _What the hell?_

"I'm so confused Edward. You have it all. You're popular, a jock, handsome, and nice. You have a loving family and school is awesome for you. You took the team to States. What do you need distracted from?" I was angry now. I tried really hard not to be mean but the words leaked out of my mouth like venom. He had the perfect life. I wanted into that life and it seemed like he could care less about it. I felt the angry tears leak over the edge, but this time I made no move to stop them. His face was a perfect poker face, like he wasn't fazed by the harsh words. I made a movement to leave but his strong, warm arms stopped me.

"Stop running away from me Bella. Dammit, I'm trying really hard. Running away from this is only going to hurt you worse than _he_ does."

I couldn't give in. I wanted my razor. Edward doesn't know anything about_ him_. Or even about me anymore. He doesn't know that I cry myself to sleep most nights and when I don't do that I cut so I can stop crying. He doesn't know that Phil smokes while he is on top of me and that sometimes those cigarettes find my skin. He doesn't know what happens behind closed doors. The only time he acknowledges me anymore is when I'm at his house with Alice. The worried and caring tone in his voice was making me nauseous. It was fake. All of this is fake. It had to be. He had Tanya, the strawberry blonde with a body that belonged on a runway, not Forks High School.

I was on the love seat again suddenly and Edward was in front of me. How did I miss that movement?

"Talk, Bella. Talk to me."

"You don't know anything about me anymore, I can't." My voice broke.

Suddenly he looked like he was going to cry.

"That's my fault B. I should have been around but I got caught up. I'm sorrier for that than I can tell you. So let me get to know you again, okay?" I realized I didn't know this handsome boy standing in front of me anymore. The Edward I knew loved fresh brownies and a big glass of milk. He was obsessed with indie bands and rock music. He slept in his boxers and gold chain and metal Esme gave him when he was ten, it never left his neck. Not even when we went swimming out at the rope swing. God, I miss going out to the rope swing with my best friends. I miss everything about it. I'd even relive that embarrassing day over again as long as long as the old Edward was there. The summer before I learned to self-harm.

* * *

><p><em>I was reading in my room listening to Ray LaMontagne when I heard a soft knock at the window. I smiled, it was Edward. I giggled when he wavered on the branch trying to open the window. He looked as cute as ever, bronze hair lightened from the sun with a tan over his muscular arms.<em>

"_C'mon, B. Let me in!"_

_I giggled again. He is the only one that can make me giggle. I let him into my room and once he was settled on his own feet he gave me a big hug. He is the only one I let hug me. And I enjoy every minute of it._

"_I missed you," he smiled down at me. Edward left a month and a half ago for vacation then went straight to summer basketball camp in Seattle with the varsity team. Alice came home after a little over two weeks but he had to go straight to Seattle. We were only going into tenth grade but he has worked hard the last year and a half. He was going to be great, and I wasn't the only one that thought so. Coach had told Edward to come with varsity to camp this year because he was going to be starting if he kept working. It made me inexplicably happy that he came to visit me right when he got home. Phil had been pretty rough those first few weeks, probably because mom wouldn't be home until September._

_I smiled back, "I missed you, too."_

"_Alice, a few guys from the team, and I are going out to the rope swing. They are bringing some other girls too. Wanna come with me? We're just going to swim around a bit and stuff." He looked… hopeful, I think. Maybe some older girls were going to come with the guys. I held back my frown._

"_Sure. Let me grab my suit and I'll be right over."_

"_Awesome. Ten minutes B."_

_He crawled out of the window and once my euphoria disappeared the fear rolled in. How was I going to hide the bruises? Shit. It had been about a week since Phil had his way with me. I pulled off my pants and shirt to look at my body in the mirror, something I do quite often. The bruises were yellowing on my inner thighs and I could probably contain those by keeping my legs together unless I was in the water. My arms weren't bad at all but there were some shadows on my stomach. I wanted to go so bad though. I sat around all summer waiting for the Cullen's, well mostly Edward, to come back. I decided to wear a tank top over my bikini and a pair of old jean shorts. I would keep them on until I was about to dive into the water and I just wouldn't do the rope swing. My boobs seemed to finally make an appearance while Edward was away, for which I was grateful for. He probably would have teased me non-stop. I was kind of excited for him to see them in my bikini now though. _

_I snuck out passed Phil and over to meet Edward and Alice. There was a big jeep in parked at the curb in front of the house so I just walked into the living room._

"_Hey, Bella!" Alice's squeal filled the air._

"_Ready to go, B?" Edward asked as I was hugging his sister. I looked up and saw Emmett, Edwards's cousin and also the varsity captain, and Rosalie Hale, his girlfriend. The most sought after couple in school. Emmett smiled and waved as Rosalie just sort of looked at me. Oh boy, this was going to be a long day."_

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><p><strong>I decided to cut the flashback in half. The rest of it will be in the beginning of the following chapter. Try to remember this is the first thing I have written so if its a little confusing, I apologize. Im trying to get adjusted to the site and everything. I also dont have any pre-readers. betas, or editers so I also apologize for errors and grammer. If you have any questions just PM me. Review so I know someone out there is reading(; Thanks to those who already have! <strong>


	6. Selfharm is like a Pain Killer

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything Twilight. All the characters belong to Stephanie Meyer. I just own the plot.**

This is the continuation of the flashback from the summer before tenth grade. Sorry it took so long! My basketball season is just winding down right now but it's overlapping with softball. I've been busy. If you are reading this still I want to thank you for staying with me! I promise I'll write as soon as I have time!

Chapter Six

_"Um, Edward?"_

_ I gaped at the gigantic jeep in front of me. How the hell am I supposed to step into that? I started preparing myself to leap, but Edward's arm wrapped around my waist. He pulled me back against his chest then pulled me into Emmett's monster. I was a little afraid of this thing._

_ "You alright, B?" Edward whispered into my ear and tingles fell through my spine. "Yeah," I breathed out into his shoulder. He was bigger, I realized as he was curled around me. His stomach felt hard under my arm and his bicep looked ready to explode through his shirt. He was still lanky, but you could tell her worked hard at his muscles since I last saw him. _

_ He pushed me up into the car and then crawled in beside, with a huge smirk on his face the entire time._

_ "You look a little proud over there, Cullen."_

_ He scoffed, "I should be! You haven't even said anything about the gun show going on over here!" For the first time since he left I laughed until tears formed in my eyes._

_ "Oh my gosh, I missed you," I said quietly. "Things have been weird without you here all summer."_

_ That crooked grin lit up his face, "The feeling is mutual, Bella."_

_For what felt like the hundredth time today, my face lit up with a huge smile. I was quiet the rest of the ride as Edward and Emmett swapped stories from camp. I kept finding myself staring at Edward and sometimes he would catch me and smirk. But I also caught him a few times too. I liked that a little too much. _

_When we pulled up to the canoe launch Edward slid out and grabbed me, lifting me out of the jeep and onto the ground. There goes that smile again; it's been hidden since he left. So have the butterflies in my stomach, but they too were making a comeback. _

"_You ready for the walk, B?"_

"_You'll protect me if we see snakes right?" I giggled but was completely serious._

"_Of course!" He flexed for good measure. _

_The walk wasn't too bad. I just stared at the model like teenager walking beside me. He looked like he grew up a lot since he left. I wondered what I had missed. When we got to the rope swing along the river we threw our towels down and walked down the little hill. Emmett was the first to get on the rope, followed by Rose. She had been oddly quiet the entire way here, aside from the scary glances she kept giving me. _

_Edward had just pushed off the tree when I heard the giggles behind me. No doubt it was Tanya and Kate. _

"_Oh, Edward's home!" Tanya giggled and I put my head down. A few months ago she wouldn't even give him the light of day. I looked behind me and saw the rest of her minions and pretty much the entire basketball team. They were all laughing and some had their arms around cheerleaders or other popular, athletic girls. Suddenly, I didn't want to be here, I felt completely out of place. _

_Tanya and the other girls all stripped to their string bikinis and dove in or used the rope swing. I didn't look like any of them. I didn't have a tan from vacation, bleach blonde hair, or D cups. I was pale from hiding in the tree house, sore from Phil, and terrified to take my clothes off and reveal my body. Either everyone would notice the marks on my body or I wouldn't be noticed at all. I looked at the water and saw Tanya on Edward's shoulders chicken fighting with Alice and Emmett. Alice looked completely normal with this crowd. I felt like crying. I trudged up to my towel and pretending there was something really interesting happening on my cell phone._

_A few minutes later I felt a warm hand on my back and I jumped. "Gah," I spun around. Edward was staring down at me with a curious smile on his face._

"_Bella, what are you doing up here," he laughed, "The whole point of coming to the rope swing is to use it and go swimming." _

_I tried to smile, I really did. I got one side of my mouth to pull up. "Uh, yeah, I'll be down in a minute."_

"_No come now!" He whined. Edward grabbed my arm and dragged me down the swing. He told me to watch the master, so of course I giggled._

_Him and Tyler Crowley got on the swing together and pushed out into the water. I didn't see the end result though. A wet slippery hand turned me around and pushed me toward the water a little bit._

"_Why the hell are you even here?" Tanya .Choruses of "yeahs" sounded as I looked at her evil minions. I was scared. "Who invited you? And why?"_

"_Um, Ed-Edward" I meekly stuttered out. I looked around but everyone had waded down the river a little._

"_Ha! He must feel really bad for you. I mean I know you are sort of tolerated by Alice but I didn't think he would give you the time of day. How sweet of him to swoop down to your level." I had no response, but I guess by face gave me away. If she knew Edward so well then how didn't she know he sat with me every day at lunch and came to make locker all throughout the day. "Look at you. You're too afraid to take off your clothes. Let me help." She kept walking me toward the water. She was right up against me and leaned into my ear, "You know, cheer camp was right by the basketball camp. Our dorm buildings were right beside each other. Edward and I had a lot of fun once we learned how close we were. He's a great kisser too. But you wouldn't know that."_

_I shuddered but was otherwise frozen. I am so stupid. Edward probably did everything with her all summer. They were probably dating. I knew I shouldn't feel like I do around him. Why did I come here? The last 5 summers of my life were spent out here at the rope swing with the Cullen's. It had always been a blast before… before jocks and cheerleaders. _

_ Tanya ripped off my tank top and pulled the string holding up my bikini around my neck. I felt my chest being hit with fresh air before she pushed me into the water. I couldn't breathe. I swam upward and resurface. The water was to my belly button and my boobs were freely out in the open. I didn't even know what just happened. Then I heard Kate yell, "Oh my God, Bella. You're such a slut. That won't get you noticed! Look everyone! If you want attention, that's what you'll get." Then she laughed. They all laughed. I idly wondered if they even looked elsewhere to see the cuts and bruises. _

_I found Edward's eyes about 20 feet away. He looked around, serious, but then a forced smile approached his lips. His eyes were distant. And suddenly he didn't look like the Edward I loved anymore. He was like them, just like them. I felt the tears spring from my eyes as I tried to cover myself up. I swam towards the bank, ignoring all the whistles and shouts. Alice was standing there yelling at Kate, clothes in hand. I tied the top before I climbed out, dressed, and walked up the little hill. I didn't belong here with him. That much was clear. I grabbed my stuff and snuck away, crying the whole walk home. No one chased after me. He stayed where he should, not where I wanted him to be. I stepped out of his world and into the one of self-protection. To a place where self-harm felt like a pain killer. _

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><p><em>Review! Pretty Please with sugar on top(;<em>


	7. Im Scared

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything Twilight. All the characters belong to Stephanie Meyer. I just own the plot.**

"B. Look at me." His angelic voice made its way into my thoughts, bringing me back into the present.

I looked up at him shyly, afraid of what Edward I might see. The look on his face took my breath away. His mouth was pulled down at the corners and his eyes were fierce, overcome with sadness. But he was still the most gorgeous boy I have ever seen. I don't know exactly what caused him to be this way. Was it me? Did caring for me really bring him down that bad? I didn't want to be the reason for that look upon his face, for it only hurt me, knowing how annoying I was for him. I don't understand why he does this. He should be enjoying his life.

"Don't." I willed the word to leave my mouth but it only came as a whisper. The crease between his eyes got deeper and my resolve got stronger. I wouldn't cause him such anxiety. Edward deserves a carefree, happy life. A life I wouldn't be a part of. I knew I had to go home and take myself away from the Cullen's. I was a burden, nothing more.

"I'm sorry. I… I should… I need to go h-home." I hiccupped on the last word. Was that structure across the street really my home? A home should be a place where we feel safe, love, and warmth. That house was not any of those things. I didn't want to go back there. If I had it my selfish way I would wrap myself in Edwards's arms and go to sleep for days. I internally groaned, that didn't make leaving any easier.

"Bella! Listen to me, for once in your life, let me take care of you! Dammit!" I flinched and then he got closer to me, pulled me to him, and hugged me. I didn't know how to react. I stayed still and waited for the release I know would come because there is no way I would ever be allowed to feel this good.

"Don't go Bella. Just stay. Stay here with me. I want- no, I need to protect you. To help you."

To say I was in denial of what he insinuated was an understatement. The traitor tears fell freely now.

"See, Bella? You are not okay. I may seem like I ignore it but it claws at my brain every conscious second of the day. I have nightmares about it. I can't do it anymore. I'm going to be around more, okay? Whenever you need me I'll be right there."

"Edward," I mumbled into the skin of his neck.

"Yeah?"

"I'm so scared." Edward is the only person in this world I feel even remotely comfortable with to say those words too. Renee wouldn't believe me and Phil would go ballistic. I don't know what drove me to tell him how I felt. He mustn't care. Nobody really does. _Burden._

But I had to say the words, because I truly was terrified. The beatings were normal, but the sexual assaults being brought on were increasing to a few times a month. But I shouldn't complain, I'm fairly lucky it isn't every night.

He pulled back to stare into my eyes. He looked incredibly sad. "I know Bella, I know." He kissed the top of my head for a few seconds and then pulled me against his rock hard chest. His breathing was shallow, but then again, mine probably was too. The emotions that coursed through my body were indescribable.

His warm embrace was fanning around my entire being and threatening to take over. I don't know how long we sat like that. I eventually succumbed to sleep when he started humming a lullaby I've never heard before. I dreamed of staying wrapped in Edward for the rest of my life.

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><p>"What the hell is going on here?" I was startled awake by a crazy high pitch voice. One that I despised. I was utterly confused.<p>

"Sweetheart?" A beautiful voice penetrated my mind.

"Mhmm?" _Please don't make me get up. _I was incredibly comfortable, warm, and… what was this other feeling? _Happiness. I don't deserve that. _I started to pull away from Edward's arms. They just tightened.

Wait a moment. Did he say _sweetheart_? Butterflies fluttered in my belly. My eyes shot open when his hand started trailing down my back. I realized I was laying on top of Edward, in his living room, on the couch. Crap. My legs were intertwined with his and my head was resting against his impeccable chest. _Who just yelled? _Edward seems just as confused as I was. His eyes were barely open.

"I can't believe you! You told me you didn't feel the same way about me, not that there was someone else. And her? Isabella Swan. God, you could do so much better. Like me. This is fucking ridiculous!" I opened my eyes and saw hell reincarnated. Tanya. I shiver went through my body when I realized Edward was still holding on to me with her watching. He is going to hate me. What if he decided he really did want to be with her and then I screwed it up for him. He would never talk to me again. I started to cry.

"Honey", he was interrupted by Tanya.

"You are a no good slut Isabella. You always wanted him and would do anything to get him. I thought I made myself clear that day out at the rope swing. You are disgusting and shouldn't be allowed to look at Edward or even talk to him for that matter!"

I was full out crying by this point. Whether it was Tanya's words, how truthful they were, or the fact that Edward let me go and stood up when he saw her. I didn't dare speak. I couldn't look at Edward because I knew I would see understanding and agreement on his face. That terrible voice sounded again, "And you, Edward. I hope you had fun with the popular people while it lasted because I'll take you down honey. You may play good ball but I'm great with playing with people. You cheated on me. No one in this town will ever date you again."

Even if Edward really did cheat on her, most of the girls here were shallow and would be all over him. I doubted everything she said. Edward wouldn't let it get that far.

"Tanya! Outside, now!" Edward shot me an apologetic face and turned out the front door. I felt like I was going to throw up because they were probably about to have make-up sex. I needed to leave.

I picked up a piece of paper in the kitchen and wrote, "I am so sorry. I understand that Tanya was right and I promise I won't bother you. – B" With that I snuck out the side door and into my mom's house.


	8. Dear Edward

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything Twilight. All the characters belong to Stephanie Meyer. I just own the plot.**

**To all that have patiently waited, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Like I said on my profile, I'm a softball player- a pitcher to be exact. I've been having pain in my shoulder all season and turns out I tore it up pretty good. I had surgery at the end of May and I just haven't felt up to doing much of anything since, although what I can do is limited. **

**Let me know if you are still interested and still reading.**

**Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.**

Chapter 8

Twenty-two voicemails, thirty-two missed calls, fifteen emails, and nineteen text messages. All from Edward. All within the two days following the disaster with Tanya.

Needless to say my heart was ripped in two. I missed him. I was mad at him. I craved him. I was desperate to stay away from him. And that's exactly what I needed to do. I needed to leave and forget him. Forget this town, this school, and _him. _The man that drove me to the ground and hurt me so badly.

So I will go.

Who is to say I shouldn't? I haven't talked to Alice since my birthday and I can't keep a strong hold on Edward. My mom is jet setting around the world while I keep her current husband occupied. They don't need me and will be better off, for that I am sure. I have my truck, even though it barely runs, I'm sure it can get me to Seattle. From there the possibilities are endless. I can get a job, save money, go to school somewhere.

I sat down at my little desk and wrote. To Alice, my mom, Esme and Carlisle. They all said the same. Thank you for putting up with me, helping me, accepting me for the time I had with them. I told them how much I would miss them and that I loved them. But I explained that I needed to get away from this terrible place and find myself. I wrote that I didn't know how long I would be gone or if I was coming back. Just that I could only thank them and wish them the best for their futures. I told Alice that I hoped she followed her dreams. I pleaded for Esme and Carlisle to forgive me. I apologized to my mom for letting her down. I sealed them all with a kiss and a few tears.

All my life I wanted to believe in fairytales. I hoped to someday come across someone that would just tell me everything would be alright. Someone that would never let me down or give up hope. I don't know how much I believe in them anymore. The only one I would ever want to be my Prince charming would be Edward. But to him I was undesirable. With the last glimmer of faith in my body I got another blank sheet of paper and wrote to him.

_Dear Edward, _

_ I don't know what this letter will mean to you, but to me it is everything. I'm going to lay it all on the line. _

_Since I was old enough I began to believe in love, magic, fairy trails, and happiness. Every day of my life that I've known you, I've associated you with all those things. I don't know that it has ever been _real, _but I do know that I felt it. I know this deep in my heart because I've felt pain. Gut wrenching and soul shattering pain- both emotionally and physically. You are the only one that has been, not only able numb me from the pain, but make me feel something else. You made me feel special, pretty, and loved. _

_ My mother tried. She honestly did, although it wasn't enough. I don't know if she knew what Phil was doing to me all these years. But I know you do. Obviously you don't know everything about it but you do know some. I can tell by the way you look at me sometimes. I used to catch you staring at me with these sad eyes that would make my heart beat unevenly because it made me feel as though someone cared. I don't blame anyone, especially you. You couldn't have done anything or known any better. I learned to deal with my emotions over the years, mostly when we grew apart. I understood that you became a jock. An unbelievably great basketball player. You capture my heart when I watch you play- whether it be on the court or in front of the hoop in your driveway. _

_ I wanted to write this to you as a goodbye. But, I find myself describing more of the reasons why you stole my heart and how much I'll miss everything that is you. I can't thank you enough. I'll never be able to describe how you made me feel when all else was lost. You saved me in more ways than one. I will owe you forever. _

_I'm leaving, Edward. I'm getting away from the hell called a town. I'm miserable here and the only thing that can make it better is you and your family. They have always been there for me. I love you all so much it hurts. I can't stay here. It will eat me alive or ill just hurt myself more. None of you deserve to have to worry about me. I can see that you do. _

_You deserve a happy life. I want the world for you, no matter what it costs me. Take everything from earth that you can get. I hope you fall deeply in love. I hope you feel at least half of the feelings I feel for you with a beautiful woman someday. Remember: love, magic, fairy trails, and happiness. You should get them all. You are so selfless and kind and warm. I hope that you will never forget me, but to wish that on you is selfish. I just need you to know that I will never forget you and the impact you have made on my life. I`ll carry our memories in my heart wherever I go. I'm going to miss you so much. Your breath taking smile and soul piercing eyes. _

_I don't know if or when I will come back here. But I know one thing. I wish to see you some time in the future, whether we speak or not, as long as I see you again. I hope one day I`ll be able to find you, smile at all you have accomplished, and that you will not be disgusted with me. I hope that if you see me you will smile back with that gorgeous crooked smirk of yours. _

_If you forget all else at least remember one thing, never give up on your dreams, and if not for me then for yourself. _

_And I, well, I'll remember a lot of things. But I will never, ever forget your warm hands that reached out to me and held me when I was on the verge of nothingness. _

_I leave with you my heart. I couldn't take it with me if I tried. I will always love you, Edward Cullen. Goodbye. Forever,_

_Your B. _

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><p>I sealed the envelope with a kiss and his name on the front. I spent the next few hours packing and crying. Some tears were from relief and some from sadness. I set my mom's letter on her dresser.<p>

I packed up the truck, waved goodbye to my beloved tree house, and drove down the drive way to the mailbox labeled "CULLEN". I set the letters inside and drove away. Through the little town, the highway to the interstate. On to my future, whatever it may be.


End file.
